Exam Bombers

 

 

Mumma : Best of Luck for your exams.

Me : Best of Luck Nahi boltay. Woh fir 'Off' Ho jata hai.

Mumma ( Laughing) : All the Best Madame, you've done everything. Don't revise ab, Keep your mind fresh and free from distractions.

Me : Why do you say that?

Mumma : I am a mother, kind of part of our job description.

Me : No, I mean the Free from distractions bit.

Mumma : Kyunki aap humesha ek na ek bache ki story zaroor sunate ho.

                                                                ---xxx---

 

On my way to the centre, I did keep my mind fresh and free from distractions only to find myself caught in a whole new distraction. What distraction? So my mind now revolved around all my previous examinations and the distractions I encountered in them. BINGO. Jackpot. It all flashed before my eyes, YES. I had discovered what kids was my mom talking of. WOOHOO. My mind was finally going to be at peace before a test. Okay , now my focus was to successfully finish the paper while fighting thoughts of such people. I finished the paper, just in time. *Phew*

                                                                ---xxx---

 

Back home and in bed I began thinking of those kids. The distractions during exams or as one would call them, the Exam Bombers. Yes, once in a while we have faced such exam bombers who distract you during your exam simply by saying/asking/or existing. We also might have been one of those annoying examinees, read below to find out.

 

1. The Watchless Fool

This annoying person is sure. He is very sure, he needs to know the time. And he needs to know that every second of the goddamn paper. He will be consistent , both in forgetting his/her watch and repeatedly asking the teacher irrelevant questions about the time. Like the gods will magically narrate him the answers when the clock strikes 12. Two seconds into the paper and this person begins with his usual, “Ma’am How much time is left?” ,” Ma’am What’s the time ? “Ma’am How much Time has passed?” “Ma’am will you give us extra time?”

2. The Stationary Bankrupt.

This person is like war veteran without a sword or a shield. I mean literally, Rajnikanth is born once, just once. You don’t fight your battles without your weapons, kid. So this ill-equipped person enters the room without the basic essentials and just casually asks you “ Bro, Got a pen?” Obviously, I have a pen. Your question should be , “ Do you have an extra pen?” .Well I don’t have that. Why don’t you go on your pen hunt already ? From there on begins what can only be called a Kesha Song. Senseless Noise with some audible words. Blah Blah Blah. PEN. Blah Blah Blah. NO. NO.No. A million rejections do follow a success and this person lands with a pen. Success! Everybody goes home happy.No, you’ve wasted 15 minutes and now begins the panic of ‘The Watchless Fool’, which is twice as annoying as the Kesha Song we just heard.

3. Text Vomit Expert:

This person is all the words that are synonymous with hardworking . He is dedicated to just focus on his paper. He also has a melody that plays every crucial minute of the paper. 45 minutes into the paper and he goes, “Ma’am , Extra Sheet?” . Seriously this one seems like Ethan Hunt in Mission Impossible.We need to hurry, we are running out of time and sheets ( obviously). I have always been slow. And whenever this 45 minute panick attack comes to me, I am always on page 5 of my answer sheet and it has some 20 sheets, and honestly all I really wonder is . “WHAT THE HELL  HAVE YOU BEEN WRITING? DID YOU INVENT THE JOB CHARACTERISTICS MODEL?” I MEAN THE ANNSWER BOOKLET HAS LIKE 20 SHEETS. HOLY SHIT. I NEED TO STOP THINKING IN CAPS AND GET BACK TO MY WRITING. Seriously, this text vomit expert is a scare.

4. The Unprepared :

This one isn’t annoying. He’s funny. This guy really cracks me up. He doesn’t know jackshit about the paper. Like at all! He walks in , sits, miles and sometimes even sleeps through the paper. Not kidding, he really does that. So his questions are very chronological like a questionnaire, with filter questions and branch questions. I’d really advise him to enter the customer sales department or the market research. He knows his audience well. Pretty prepared for the underprepared. So begins his conversation by saying :

1.      Oye, What do we write in name of subject?

2.      Do you know the answer to question 1?

If yes , Please Tell Me

If No, then :

3.      Do you know the answer to the Second Question?

If yes, then Please Tell Me :

If No, then :

4.      You must know Question 3?

5. The Creepy Neighbour:

This is the one, whose presence alone is enough to scare you. Remember sitting in the bus and having a feeling like someone is watching you. Except only now you realise from the corner of your eye, someone is watching you. Not even watching, he is staring. Minutes of this endless staring does make one furious. Piece of Advice: Don’t Put your hands on your sheet and move forward. The staring will be replaced by whispers, “Oye, Answer Sheet Show Karna, Bhai”.

6.The Health Massacre :

Okay, he is the suicide bomber, you don’t want him to be there in your paper. EVER. Period.

So this idiot is a jihadi. He comes, he has some health scare. “MA’AM I NEED WATER” “MA’AM I CAN’T BREATH” . But more than annoyed I am scared and concerned for this one. He can make the exam stop for several minutes. And for his health too ( I mean now that I think of it ). I know Karma is a bitch and it will come after me.

 

So I have tried to cover most of the annoying lot, at least I think so.  I also realise  I have been one or more of the above at some point of time.

Do you think you’ve been too?