500 Feet of Concrete Nothings

"Did you follow up with the media houses?" She asked.

"Yes, I did! A follow-up mail has been set and an excel sheet mailed :D " , I replied.

"Oh, So Negative!" She said and walked past me. Now, walking past an intern isn't normally such  a big deal for a consultant at a big fat cheque paying corporate. She didn't realise how alongside my foot she also stepped on my dreams of a good feedback from a fellow mentor on my second day.After all,What is an intern?

Now, I honestly haven't interned outside India. But for my country, I have something to say.

They don't believe in hiring interns as such. They demand slaves. Slaves with MBAs/degrees from brilliant colleges with talent only to be used in making excel sheets and word docs. I always thought the sayings of those philosophy kings must be bullshit because there must be no such thing as being your own boss. Now funnily, the mission and the vision of these 'corporates' talk of 'Passion' 'Creativity' 'Innovation' and tons of 'iCAN's', but the reality is quite the opposite.

What corporates really do, is build big offices, of hopes and aspirations, the kind they would show in a Bollywood movie 'the poor hero' dreams of working in. Yes!  Now their wall may claim we build people. But they never do that. No Feedback, No responsibility. Just work. Dumb work about google docs. When questioned regarding more opportunities, they bring in their master blaster point of 'you're just an ant' on our never ending corporate ladder politely often put as, 'First do this, for that, there's plenty of time'.

'The concrete is  deep but the human is hollow.
He is ignorant to care, his heart is shallow'

That is exactly why 'they're 500 feet of concrete nothings'.

As per the WHO, Every 40 seconds a life is lost through suicide.According to reports 50% employees in India Inc are under stress :30% have problems such as addictions and marital discord.20% suffer from depression.

So if we do the math, nobody working at a corporate is happy. The big boss gets screwed, he screws his junior. His junior screws his junior and this cycle continues.

Now, I can go with my hatred parade of corporates but one needs to look for alternatives and Obviously the bright side!

A newer ,fresher and of course 'younger ' age of companies are quite the saviours! Yes, Startups! They're fast paced. They have the kick. People with mostly single digit teams. Places with people less than your age but potential beyond the fat pay cheque a safe bet corporate pays!

You are given more responsibility, more opportunities. Such an inclusion makes you a member of a family and not just a random corporate slave.I probably don't need to tell you that most startup jobs won't pay as well as some of the bigger corporate and business jobs. You (or your degree) may be worth more than a startup is able to pay. But working at a startup offers a different type of reward: an incentive-based system that isn't based on INR, but rather in skills attained and opportunities seized.

You will do a variety of things with true innovators. You will learn so much you're going to thank your stars for letting go of fat pay cheques ( or well, if money is your real motivator then this won't happen). Your failures and work , everything will be recognised. Yes, the Feedback mechanism with Startups is very high !

That is exactly why most executives today are leaving corporate jobs that suck the life out of them to find something meaningful. They want to move beyond tiers of hierarchies full of sycophants and corporate whores with calculated steps to skip ahead. Again, the corporate ladder does offer the top , but only after
a.time
b.compromising of morals
c.both( since you learn b post a)

What should one do? Whatever makes one happy!

Try and sketch a brain map of yourself. What you like.

Autonomy or Money?

Mastery or Slavery?

Being your own Boss or Having one?

A map for a number V/S People Choice in your life.

What would I pick? Isn't it quite obvious?

Considering how I've lashed out at corporates and how I am so Pro Startups!

Why I think that is  because ultimately in business your ability to lead, manage and supervise people is what will make or break your career -- not your ability to do math! And hence I let go of numbers for people! What would you pick?

Exam Bombers

 

 

Mumma : Best of Luck for your exams.

Me : Best of Luck Nahi boltay. Woh fir 'Off' Ho jata hai.

Mumma ( Laughing) : All the Best Madame, you've done everything. Don't revise ab, Keep your mind fresh and free from distractions.

Me : Why do you say that?

Mumma : I am a mother, kind of part of our job description.

Me : No, I mean the Free from distractions bit.

Mumma : Kyunki aap humesha ek na ek bache ki story zaroor sunate ho.

                                                                ---xxx---

 

On my way to the centre, I did keep my mind fresh and free from distractions only to find myself caught in a whole new distraction. What distraction? So my mind now revolved around all my previous examinations and the distractions I encountered in them. BINGO. Jackpot. It all flashed before my eyes, YES. I had discovered what kids was my mom talking of. WOOHOO. My mind was finally going to be at peace before a test. Okay , now my focus was to successfully finish the paper while fighting thoughts of such people. I finished the paper, just in time. *Phew*

                                                                ---xxx---

 

Back home and in bed I began thinking of those kids. The distractions during exams or as one would call them, the Exam Bombers. Yes, once in a while we have faced such exam bombers who distract you during your exam simply by saying/asking/or existing. We also might have been one of those annoying examinees, read below to find out.

 

1. The Watchless Fool

This annoying person is sure. He is very sure, he needs to know the time. And he needs to know that every second of the goddamn paper. He will be consistent , both in forgetting his/her watch and repeatedly asking the teacher irrelevant questions about the time. Like the gods will magically narrate him the answers when the clock strikes 12. Two seconds into the paper and this person begins with his usual, “Ma’am How much time is left?” ,” Ma’am What’s the time ? “Ma’am How much Time has passed?” “Ma’am will you give us extra time?”

2. The Stationary Bankrupt.

This person is like war veteran without a sword or a shield. I mean literally, Rajnikanth is born once, just once. You don’t fight your battles without your weapons, kid. So this ill-equipped person enters the room without the basic essentials and just casually asks you “ Bro, Got a pen?” Obviously, I have a pen. Your question should be , “ Do you have an extra pen?” .Well I don’t have that. Why don’t you go on your pen hunt already ? From there on begins what can only be called a Kesha Song. Senseless Noise with some audible words. Blah Blah Blah. PEN. Blah Blah Blah. NO. NO.No. A million rejections do follow a success and this person lands with a pen. Success! Everybody goes home happy.No, you’ve wasted 15 minutes and now begins the panic of ‘The Watchless Fool’, which is twice as annoying as the Kesha Song we just heard.

3. Text Vomit Expert:

This person is all the words that are synonymous with hardworking . He is dedicated to just focus on his paper. He also has a melody that plays every crucial minute of the paper. 45 minutes into the paper and he goes, “Ma’am , Extra Sheet?” . Seriously this one seems like Ethan Hunt in Mission Impossible.We need to hurry, we are running out of time and sheets ( obviously). I have always been slow. And whenever this 45 minute panick attack comes to me, I am always on page 5 of my answer sheet and it has some 20 sheets, and honestly all I really wonder is . “WHAT THE HELL  HAVE YOU BEEN WRITING? DID YOU INVENT THE JOB CHARACTERISTICS MODEL?” I MEAN THE ANNSWER BOOKLET HAS LIKE 20 SHEETS. HOLY SHIT. I NEED TO STOP THINKING IN CAPS AND GET BACK TO MY WRITING. Seriously, this text vomit expert is a scare.

4. The Unprepared :

This one isn’t annoying. He’s funny. This guy really cracks me up. He doesn’t know jackshit about the paper. Like at all! He walks in , sits, miles and sometimes even sleeps through the paper. Not kidding, he really does that. So his questions are very chronological like a questionnaire, with filter questions and branch questions. I’d really advise him to enter the customer sales department or the market research. He knows his audience well. Pretty prepared for the underprepared. So begins his conversation by saying :

1.      Oye, What do we write in name of subject?

2.      Do you know the answer to question 1?

If yes , Please Tell Me

If No, then :

3.      Do you know the answer to the Second Question?

If yes, then Please Tell Me :

If No, then :

4.      You must know Question 3?

5. The Creepy Neighbour:

This is the one, whose presence alone is enough to scare you. Remember sitting in the bus and having a feeling like someone is watching you. Except only now you realise from the corner of your eye, someone is watching you. Not even watching, he is staring. Minutes of this endless staring does make one furious. Piece of Advice: Don’t Put your hands on your sheet and move forward. The staring will be replaced by whispers, “Oye, Answer Sheet Show Karna, Bhai”.

6.The Health Massacre :

Okay, he is the suicide bomber, you don’t want him to be there in your paper. EVER. Period.

So this idiot is a jihadi. He comes, he has some health scare. “MA’AM I NEED WATER” “MA’AM I CAN’T BREATH” . But more than annoyed I am scared and concerned for this one. He can make the exam stop for several minutes. And for his health too ( I mean now that I think of it ). I know Karma is a bitch and it will come after me.

 

So I have tried to cover most of the annoying lot, at least I think so.  I also realise  I have been one or more of the above at some point of time.

Do you think you’ve been too?

Screw Calm and Keep Butter Chicken

Of the thousand days I spent eating food, I never thought I'd pen this down. Having eaten it a million times, I never thought I'd sit and write my love for it.

Yes it may come as no surprise that  I'm a foodie. Yes I'm one of those people who travel to places just to check out  the food. Yes I'm  a Michelin star struck -watching too much TLC and reading too much Veer Sanghvi on Sundays kind of person .

I'm one who'd make friends based on food preferences . Okay that says a lot , and it's not entirely true but food plays a pretty major contributing factor when it comes to making new friends. It's  the perfect conversation starter.(YES The pun was intended ) . So so so coming back to the point .

So, FOCUS guys. There are tons of food items to discuss and debate about. But today is special, it's an ode. A non poetic,straight from the stomach one.

                 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The title reads calm and butter chicken? Yes all those lovers of the traditional Indian recipe of cooking chicken under the tomatoes and tons of ghee this one goes out to you.

Butter chicken, my love, the perfect salute to being an Indian . The solution to every day.I tell my friends abroad with great pride I'm from the land where this delicious meal was invented .

 You can travel the world, you can taste penne , you can all have sorts of fondues, blueberry cheese cake could give strong competition, but nothing and I swear I mean it , nothing beats butter chicken when it comes to gastronomical satisfaction . A sense of belonging comes to you when you eat this. I swear I felt Indian the first time my mom served me butter chicken. Bowl full of happiness.Bliss.Gratitude. YES, I felt them all at the same time. 

I salute the hands who invented this. *insert teary-eyed bollywood mommy smiley*

With great fame comes great responsibility of living to expectations . This particular dish has been very used to what we call customization and after having had butter chicken and naan at 23467834949484 places I remember how I quoted ,"too creamy", "too dry" , "too gravy-ish " "too bad to be butter chicken" after tasting them .

As far as I remember butter chicken was an accidental discovery at the old Moti Mahal , I don't know much  about the original Moti Mahal but the others suck. Pretty much.

 Their butter chickens are too tomato-ish like they have a place cthey get tomatoes for free dude . 

Though, that's the scene with most north Indian dishes. Take Shahi Paneer for example. Anything orange and requiring cream and tomatoes needs to be loaded with tomatoes because hey we are a bollywood obsessed country and so what if we can't go to La Tomatina, let's serve it in plates. Let's have them so much tomatoes that they resent the vegetable( I KNOW IT'S A FRUIT. seed fact? So 6th grade)

So ending the tomato story overload, we speak of where to find the best butter chicken?

And Bukhara has the best daal , but their butter chicken too bleh. Puran da dhaba , Ambala. Yeah The Mutton, not the chicken. I know my food right.

 The place which offers the best butter chicken in Delhi has got to be The Dhaba at Claridges (Aurangzeb road ) !! 

What gravy, what oil , what thickness and that baby chicken so soft . Gastrorgasmic is the word . Delhi boys , word. If you want to satisfy girls , drop chocolates . Take her out to a lavish meal of butter chicken. Let the girl eat her feelings out . She will give you the good loving that night .

                                       

Concluding this article( Well Almost concluding) , I'd like to acquaint you all with the fact that a better butter ( alteration, OH YEAH)chicken is available at Chandigarh and if you live there and are reading this please have me over . That's cos I had a butter chicken there in grade 3 and haven't been over it. It's a ten year old love. It was magic. so you can ask me, After all this time and like a harry potter fan, I'd say 'Always'.

So you thought that Chandigarh had the best chicken. 

Funny thing someone told me , a lot of shops there take it from Amritsar.

Woah, Shocker.

There is an underdog in this culinary 'where do you get the best butter chicken' WAR. HOLY SHIT. where did this come from? Yes friends, DELHI and CHANDIGARH can not provide you what Amritsar can. It's the underdog champion, the dark horse. But believe you me, once you taste the chicken at the dhabas there, you shall forget your five stars.

 This article has a flair for melodrama, but what would we Indians without it? Admit it you may enjoy watching inception because hey intellect is the new status symbol, you may even enjoy the occasional spaghetti for a brunch or two, but at heart you are Bollywood loving butter chicken Indian full of pride.

So to all the burahsss and licking fingers ,I rest my case.

Get Cape. Wear Cape. FLY.

Remember how when we were kids and having a bad day meant losing our favourite crayon ?  I was just thinking about a time ,when there was no such thing as  bitching . When there were no bad people . When we'd believe everything we were told . We'd actually smile more in reality than we did for pictures .When our parents were our superheroes . When coming home was the best feeling. When our only worries were why we weren't allowed to watch more TV. When milk with chocolate felt like tasting heaven . When afternoons were meant for crazy sleep. When sitting on swings would fix a bad feeling. It'd be our happy pill . When jalebiiii would BE the  ecstasy of our life . When the rain would call out to us . When wearing short clothes wouldn't make someone label us as something. When we scribbled in notebooks and not netbooks.

I know I know . I sound like  I have Missingmychildhoodsyndrome, maybe I do, I mean if there is such a thing... . Now if you're about the age of my parents you'd be all , exactly, that's what we've been saying all along . I hate to think I'd agree to them . It makes me think of maturity, growing up, life, responsibilities.. No wait. It makes me feel OLD! That's why I miss old days and I want to live it again.


I want to  curl under my bed and hide . I want to drive my electronic car and park it like a boss. Wear clothes with coloured polka dots. Watch the reruns of powerpuff girls and tom 'n' jerry because they were the coolest cartoon network ever got to. Draw crap and be appreciated for it by my mom. Fit my ass on a slide. Play scrabble with daddy and still win because 'HUMESHA' is a word in my dictionary. Enjoy those long afternoon sleeps . Sing my heart out . Get jalebiiiii wasted . Dance like no ones watching . Do all the clichéd crap they show in those chic flicks . You know why ?

As stupid as it is , it will gives us happiness. Not the  happiness with survival rates lower than your smartphone battery  , but that soothing sense of satisfaction , that upbeat 'always going to keep us smiling' force which will keeps us going .
Why I'm not doing it , I don't know . Guess I wouldn't be penning it down if I were doing this .

P.s. I think it's fair being this emotional sometimes because sometimes, well almost always , life gets tough ..
But  I guess it's  only life (yes Kate Voegele helps me think like that)


So I lost my cape , I can't find it . Help me fly?